There are two phrases used with reasonable frequency in our house, both of which seem to have particular relevance to this most recent project. For the quick-witted amongst you, the reference in the title relates to a favoured scene in monty python when he begins by saying ‘One day, lad, all this will be yours’, gesturing to the land beyond the window, and the rather pathetic son says….as above.

In addition, round mid-ulster parts one would say ‘You’ve got tickets on yourself’ when attempting to rise above your station. Such was indeed the case when i decided, without prior basic experience or expertise, to make the curtains for our enormous drafty bay window. It pretty much fits with my usual rules of thumb when appraoching any new sewing project, as follows:

1. Choose the most complex level of the project you are embarking upon

2. Don’t seek the careful advice of wise and experienced others, just do a bit of cursory googling

3. Use inadequate equipment eg a wood off-cut to mark out straight lines on your material

4. Take lots of shortcuts so that the project doesn’t drag on and get really boring.

I started out about 4 months ago with choosing the material. I tend to fear spending too much on such a DIY project in case it goes miserably wrong so i economised and bought the material on ebay. A plain colour is the way to go for a novice, no matching up patterns etc. I bought 20 metres of plain un-dyed irish linen, assuming this would work with most furniture (as yet un-purchased for our living room). The lining also came from ebay, and is draft-excluding (in theory).

Probably the most tricky bit is cutting out. In fact there’s very little complex sewing involved, just straight lines to piece together all the sections, and straight lines to attach the heading tape. Each cut piece needs to be near enough a perfect rectangle, so that when sewn together it all lines up in one big square. Sadly straight lines aren’t my forte but I seemed to get away with it and only ending up with one piece far too short, but that’s easily remedied.

Fast forward a few months, after the arduous process of trying to get a decent curtain rail attached to crumbly walls, and the curtains have been hung! Aside from practical issues in getting them to slide along the pole (another story), i managed to achieve a number of key objectives, namely

1. They cover the window panes

2. They are long enough

3. They hang from the hooks without falling off

4. They meet in the middle.

For a beginner’s project, i feel this is a reasonable achievement of goals. But i’m not sure that would tempt me to undertake such a mad project again! Some pictures so you can decide for yourself….